This page is about self-help in counselling, both during and afterwards. The end of the page has links to some of my favourite resources.
This page is currently being updated.
Table of contents
Does self-help work?
Self-help can be thought of as finding ways to manage your problems better. In the context of mental health you might be using techniques to manage your anxiety or depression or self-critical thoughts – or whatever is troubling you.
So, does all this work? In short, yes it does! There are many useful ways to manage your conditions and problems better. You may have found lots of techniques already through friends, your doctor, books or the internet. Many of them work. You will need to experiment and decide which work best for you.
The limits of self-help
There are various limits to self-help. For example:
- The self-help techniques are difficult to use
- You might be demotivated or find it difficult to do anything to look after yourself
- The techniques themselves have their limits. (There are natural limits as to how far the mind can help itself.)
If you find this difficult to do on your own, that’s a good reason to reach out for support. And if your problems keep coming back, that too is a good reason to seek therapy.
What is the difference between self-help and self-care?
Self-care has the flavour of doing things to look after yourself because you value yourself as a person. Do you find that difficult? More on that below!
The ability to allocate time and space – and sometimes energy – to your self-care is central to your physical and mental well-being. Self-care will help you cope with whatever pressures you are facing. But it doesn’t matter what you call it. The important things is to learn to look after yourself better!
And there is much greater awareness these days that this will work much better when underpinned with good lifestyle choices – such as eating, sleeping and exercising well. (But I understand there may be lots of reasons why you find these difficult.)
Do you find self-care difficult?
It may be that self-care already has a prominent place in your life. That’s great!
It may be that you know more self-care would help – but you don’t do it. We can think about why. Are you busy with work, relationships, children or just living life – and have got out of the habit? It may be that you just need to bring your own self-care back into focus so that you can live life without burning out or crashing.
Maybe self-care was never a priority. Maybe it never even occurred to you that you need to look after yourself – even if you are daily meeting the need of other people. If so, it may be helpful to look at why this is.
Do you show compassion towards yourself?
A lack of self-care is an issue in itself, and it can also indicate other areas that we can look at in therapy. Could it be bound up with a negative self-image? Do you show compassion towards yourself? Even the parts you don’t like or find troublesome? How can you look after those parts of yourself too?
Other reasons why self-care is difficult
But why do we run out of ways to help ourselves? Here are some reasons.
- Sometimes we can’t find the strength to help ourselves. Maybe you are just tired of trying.
- Depression and anxiety can get in the way of caring for yourself.
- You may believe that you are past the point where help is possible. You are destined to live your life this way.
- There may be underlying issues that are hard to spot by yourself. Not making progress becomes demotivating.
At this point it may be time to reach out for extra support.
When should I start self-care?
You don’t have to wait until the end of counselling to start self-help or self-care. Or even the beginning. Ideally, start now!
But some people find self-care difficult. If you do, it may be that this is an underlying issue for you. It would be worth talking abut this in therapy too.
Either way, beating yourself up for not doing only makes things worth. So just start as soon as you are ready. That may happen quickly or it may take time. Discovering that you can take even a tiny step on your own may boost your sense of being able to make other changes you want to make.
Equally, reaching out for help is a form of self-care too. It is a great way to look after yourself. We all need support, care and affection from other people!
Finding self-help material for yourself
It is tempting for me to build up the most amazing self-help library for you right here! But there are two main reasons why I’m not going to.
The first is a practical one. Commercial and non-profit organisations are doing this already. There is a already a vast amount of self-help material easily available on the internet and in books, magazines and the media generally.
The second reason is that, ideally, you should leave therapy with a stronger sense of being able to help yourself means just that.
As a counsellor, I work with people from a few weeks to a few years. But I am not here to keep you in counselling indefinitely. By the time you decide to end therapy, I would hope that caring for yourself has become as important as your many other priorities. Finding and using resources that work for you is part of your self-care.
In fact, building up your own own internal resources is a vital part of coping better in future.
(Of course, that may be difficult at first. It may be that it even fills you with dread, right now. That might be for practical like a lack of time or energy. Or it might be for emotional reasons such as a belief that you’re not worth caring for. Possibly these things are brings you to therapy in the first place.)
Self-help resources
However, I have do from time to time find a resource I really like which may help you to help yourself during counselling. When that happens I will post it here.
A quick word of warning: if you suffer from trauma symptoms, and even if you don’t, please think carefully about what to watch and read before clicking on a link. Learning when to challenge yourself a little and when to protect yourself is an important part of managing your self-care.
General self-help resources
Mindfulness (A page on this website)
Can Zen or meditation assist counselling and psychotherapy? (My blogpost.)
Issue-based resources
Here are some issues for which I have provided information or links to external resources.
Body dysmorphia / body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) (A page on this site.)
Food and eating disorders (A page on this site.)
Hearing voices (A page on this site.)
Personality disorders (A list of pages and articles on this site.)