Recently, clients increasingly ask me: what are self-states? I don’t know why! Maybe it’s trending on TikTok? If you know, please tell me! In any case, I will give a short explanation here.
Self-states: an outline
Self-states are psychological states made up of bundle of thought patterns, feelings, moods, behaviours and relational patterns. These all operate together as one package, when the self-state is activated.
There may also be variations in how their nervous system responds to external stimuli. And in tandem with the nervous system response, there may be different physiological responses too, such as heart rate, adrenalin, etc. Complex trauma may have other impacts also, which I won’t go into here.
How do self-states form?
This is huge subject! But essentially, they develop in infancy and childhood in the constant interactions with caregivers. This context varies widely from child to child and hence so do the self-states. They carry the intricate, individual hallmarks of the close, on-going relational patterns with these caregivers. The way the child’s brain and nervous system interprets these interactions also plays a part.
How are self-states activated?
Self-states are activated by how we experience the world around us, especially the people in it. Sitting quietly in a certain place may bring back happy childhood memories and then a sense of peace. Or it may just bring a sense of peace that reduces the stress we were feeling when we arrived. Meeting an old and trusted friend may, for example, activate a feeling of being safe, loveable and cared for, along with an ability to connect and empathise
Equally, something less reassuring may occur. If a boss reminds you (even unconsciously) of a critical, threatening caregiver, then their slight, unfavourable comment about your work may trigger feelings of inadequacy and fears of being unable to protect yourself from whatever might follow. That in turn may be accompanied by, say intense anger at the boss or a wish to quit. Logically, you may be able to see the boss’s comment as insignificant against the backdrop of frequent praise and a good performance review. And that, when you or others notice your over-reaction, only makes things more confusing.
The link with healthy psychological development
Features of healthy mental development with respect to self-states can be identified by asking yourself questions such as the following. Do I usually flow smoothly between self-states without sudden jumps? (That’s assuming the environment itself isn’t changing suddenly or dramatically, in which case sudden changes in self-states are to be expected.) Do I have a good working knowledge of my different self-states that my mind has available to it? Do I have conscious awareness in the moment (when I need it) of the self-state I’m in, or am moving into? Can I consciously bring about a change from one self-state to another? Do I notice it when two or more of my self-states are conflicting? Am I good at resolving this tension in a way that leaves me comfortable with my resulting thoughts, feelings and actions?
If you can answer ‘yes’ to all of these questions, you’re doing pretty darn well! In future posts, I will talk more about self-states which developed as ways of surviving, but which seem not to be helpful anymore.