If you are on this page, you may be considering counselling or psychotherapy for abuse or exploitation that occurred in your childhood. Or maybe someone close to you faced abuse. If that is the case, well done for getting this far. Talking to someone may be daunting. At this stage, you may be trying to reassure your that this is the right thing to do. Or you may have started it already and have further questions.
Table of contents
The impact of abuse in childhood
Abuse in childhood can mean neglect, or it can be physical, emotional or sexual abuse. And the effects of such abuse can be severe and long-lasting. This is not so for everyone who has suffered abuse. But you most likely feel that the abuse has impacted your life negatively in some way.
Impacts can include poor physical or mental health, low self-esteem, difficulties with relationships or intimacy, self-harming and trauma symptoms. The table below lists more of these impacts. But this is not only about symptoms and labels. It is about how you feel as a person.
| Poor physical health, especially chronic or long term conditions | Self harming behaviours and suicidal thoughts |
| Disturbing or confusing thoughts, feelings and memories | Finding relationships or communication difficult |
| Emotional difficulties such as anger, sadness, mood swings or shame | Difficulties with intimacy or sex |
| A negative view of yourself or low self-esteem | Behavioural problems |
| Mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders | Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or trauma symptoms such as flashbacks or dissociation |
| Difficulties with substance use or addiction |
Counselling for abuse in childhood
Talking about abuse can be difficult
If someone abused or exploited you, it may feel very difficult to talk about it, even now, so long afterwards. ​ The same applies to any situation where you experienced mistreatment by a parent, carer or someone you trusted. So, you should not feel pressured to talk about your experiences. It is your decision.
If you do decide to talk about the abuse, it is natural to feel worried about this. For example, you might fear that your feelings will become overwhelming or confusing. Or you may worry that no one will believe you. Possibly you want to protect another person. Or maybe you secretly think you were to blame. There is often shame or guilt attached, which makes talking harder.
In counselling, you can start by simply naming these fears and your guilt or shame. And working through them. After that, you can revisit the question of whether or not you want to talk about the abuse.
Are you are considering counselling for childhood abuse?
In general terms, counselling gives you a safe and private space where you can talk about whatever you like. That includes how your childhood and adult experiences have affected you.
It is possible to heal emotionally. And to take back control of your life. This will usually be gradual and take time. Together with improving your own self-care, counselling can be central to that process – if you wish.
Feelings of anger, guilt or shame are quite usual. It is important that we address these. However, it is up to you whether or not you explain what actually happened to you. Counselling also gives you the opportunity to think about whether you want to talk to anyone else about the abuse, such as relatives, friends, advisers or the police.
Dealing with trauma is at the heart of my approach to therapy
My whole approach to therapy builds in the need to work with trauma when necessary. It is not an added extra or a bolt-on. This is central to what I do as a counsellor. So, from my point of view, therapy for abuse in childhood is just therapy. We don’t need to do anything different or special if you talk to me about abuse or exploitation.
Are you affected by media reporting on childhood abuse?
Finally, a word on how the increased media reporting may be affecting you. And how seeking counselling for child abuse you have suffered may be of help.
When an adult has experienced abuse as a child, this is sometimes called historical or non-recent abuse. In recent years, there has been much more awareness and discussion of this, especially on-line and in the media. This is in part due to increased awareness generally. But the levels of awareness and reporting have risen further as a result of the Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse. This began in 2015 and is still on-going.
It may be helpful to know that other people who were abused in childhood have come forward, been heard and received support. But the increased attention on this subject can also be anxiety-provoking. There is no ‘right’ emotional response to this. What you feel is what you feel.
It is also important that you don’t compare your situation to the high profile cases we see on the news. If you faced abuse in childhood, you should not decide that what you faced is somehow ‘less’. All abuse is potentially damaging. You deserve support if you want it, just like anybody else.
In short, it is appropriate to seek counselling to deal with the effects of abuse you faced in childhood. And it is equally appropriate to want support in dealing with your feelings about what you see and hear in the media. That applies whether or not you were faced abuse yourself.
Therapy for childhood abuse: what next?
The most important thing is to derive lasting therapeutic value for yourself. The goal is that you feel better about yourself and more able to live the life you want. If you think therapy regarding abuse in childhood might help you, please contact me by using this link to my contact form.
Self-help resources
Here are some resources which you can access online.
If you suffer from trauma symptoms, and even if you don’t, please think carefully about what to watch and read before clicking on a link. Learning when to challenge yourself a little and when to protect yourself is an important part of managing your self-care.
Susan Crocombe talking about recovery from childhood abuse in the family (video).
NSPCC
Information about ‘non-recent’ abuse
Parents Protect
When a Child Tells You About Sexual Abuse
NAPAC (the National Association for People Abused in Childhood)
NAPAC offers support to adult survivors of all types of childhood abuse, including physical, sexual, emotional abuse or neglect. Untangling the web of confusion (pdf booklet and audio) explains how abusers manipulate us into false beliefs about what is happening to us. This can be useful in unpicking what is and isn’t true about the abuse. This is one of my favourites because I don’t know who else addresses the issue quite like this. See also NAPAC’s support line and booklets (scroll down).
SARSAS (Somerset & Avon Rape and Sexual Abuse Support).
SARSAS is a specialist support service based in the west of England. However, their on-line resources are freely available to all. You can access their Self-help guides. These are on multiple topics and the main one is in available in several languages.
Mind
Mind’s page on post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and complex PTSD
IICSA – The Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse
The Truth Project. This gives you access to accounts of other people’s experiences of child sexual abuse shared with the Truth Project, which is part of the UK’s Independent Inquiry into Child Sexual Abuse (IICSA).